And I don't work for nobody but you. oooh.
Ever get a random song stuck in your head? Or lyrics correlating to something someone said and it makes you want to bust a move? Well, that happens to me 95% of the time... I just invited people from facebook to join my blog but the song "Uninvited" from Alanis Morisette was running through my mind, though inappropriate as it was, I now can't get it out.
When I went out last night someone had mentioned they had a drink in their hand and "Tiny Dancer" came on the radio in my mind. 106.8 RADD, that's my radio station. Let me tell you I play all the best music with no commercial breaks to groove any time day or night. Then sometimes in my sleep. I woke up singing "Dancing Queen" the other day. No big deal.
But seriously, is there any song out there someone can't place a memory with? Or a good story? A song will come over the speakers and it will remind you of a time not so long ago, when this was like that, and that was like this and it will make you feel all of those feelings you didn't know you still could or wanted to. Music is so powerful.
I told Kelsie a while back that if I ever got in an accident where I couldn't remember anything, to play me music and I would come back. Makes me wonder if there really is musical therepy out there. If not someone should invent it. Or maybe I just did. I'm rich bitch!
There are so many songs out there that move me. ( I cry ALOT)
"Passive" by A Perfect Circle makes me ball my eyes out every time I listen to it. It reminds me of the relationship with my father. Abusive and dissapointing. It depresses me but yet I keep going back for more like a battered housewife. But I love it as I love him.
"Hate Me" by Blue October. It's so powerful and heartfelt, sad and lonely. I love the tragedy.
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. This is my pump me up song. I listen to this before interviews and meetings. Get's me going and ready to rock.
"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. I could listen to this song over and over and over. Gives me hope for whatever I'm looking for at that time.
"Fancy" by Reba McEntire. Getting down to my country roots with this one. This song makes me feel fortunate and thankful for what I have.
"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. This makes my heart swell with ..... something.... I just friggin love it.
"Daniel" by Elton John makes me think of my mom's littlist brother and her always singing to it with her eyes closed when it came on. Makes me sad for the situation he is in.
Oh my god, there are so many others it's too hard to keep up with them. Let me know some of the ones that move you and why if you want to share them. I will love them with you. Until then, Feliz Navidad.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
My Baby Does the Hanky Panky
Oh, Mia makes me laugh. She is such a clown- it's unbelievable. I can't wait to see her when she is mobile or conversing, she is going to be a riot!
I am amazed everyday that I helped make a person. An amazing person who is always doing something new and surprises both myself and her. I really wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything else.....yet...haha.
I love being a mom, and hearing other people's stories, both good or naughty that comes with advice. Do you have any you could let me know ahead of time?
So far my biggest one for other parents is, always have an extra diaper ready and waiting. Mia pooped once that was bigger than she was. I took her to the changing table changed her diaper, then another, then another, and another in less than two minutes. We've had plenty of pee on the diaper changing station when Mommy wasn't prepared. Makes for another bath and new clothes for everyone!
I am amazed everyday that I helped make a person. An amazing person who is always doing something new and surprises both myself and her. I really wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything else.....yet...haha.
I love being a mom, and hearing other people's stories, both good or naughty that comes with advice. Do you have any you could let me know ahead of time?
So far my biggest one for other parents is, always have an extra diaper ready and waiting. Mia pooped once that was bigger than she was. I took her to the changing table changed her diaper, then another, then another, and another in less than two minutes. We've had plenty of pee on the diaper changing station when Mommy wasn't prepared. Makes for another bath and new clothes for everyone!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
LOL
It's an important thing to do. It not only makes your day great but others as well. I'm one of those people that if someone laughs around me, I can't help but doing so also. Even if I have no idea what they are laughing for or sometimes if it isn't appropriate. I can't help it.
In relationships love and trust are a huge part of being happy. But above all else I believe you should have fun with your partner. Love and trust should be concreted but fun is flexible. I think it takes more work. I can stay up until the wee hours of the morning laughing with my husband until I pass out from exhaustion. Those are the times I love the most and remember often. A lot of times I will think back on it and start cracking up again, looking like a crazy person in the process.
I love love.
In relationships love and trust are a huge part of being happy. But above all else I believe you should have fun with your partner. Love and trust should be concreted but fun is flexible. I think it takes more work. I can stay up until the wee hours of the morning laughing with my husband until I pass out from exhaustion. Those are the times I love the most and remember often. A lot of times I will think back on it and start cracking up again, looking like a crazy person in the process.
I love love.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Wakeup Call
I am a big, beautiful, brunette bombshell. At least I keep telling myself that. I will tell you firsthand that I mostly don't care what people think of me, but deep down I think I really do. I can't remember the days when I was a skinny minnie. I have one picture and I barely remember a size four and eight in jeans.
I do remember going into a movie theater and stepping on one of those weight ratio thingies and it telling me I was severly obese at 140 lbs for my 5'2" frame. I remember when I was 15 going in to Eve's Leaves downtown, asking if they had anything in my size, and being told I had broad shoulders like a football player and would only find clothes that fit me at Wal-Mart. I remember looking at Cosmopolitan, Teen and Seventeen magazines and daydreaming, "if only i could look like THAT..." It hurts me when my mom, a five foot size three, always is saying she is so fat. Thanks mom, I easily have a hundred pounds on you.... And when I go shopping the bigger the sizes you get, the uglier the clothes are. Not mean. A fact. I want to look good too...
At average I weigh 180-200 pounds. But I gain and lose that 20 easily. I get to the point that I can't see my feet and decide it's time to change that. Then when someone points out that it looks like I am losing weight I hork out and binge until I gain it back.
I feel so tossed up about this weight issue. As most of American women do. Why should I feel bad about not being a size four? Why should I restrict myself from the things I love just so I can appease everyone else?
My husband is always telling me," I still find you attractive. You are beautiful to me"
But do I feel attractive and beautiful to myself? Isn't that ultimately what I need?
I was standing in front of the mirror the other day trying to find a shirt I felt good to wear for the day. I was talking to myself out loud and Andrew was sitting on the bed listening to my gripes and negative comments and almost started crying. He said something along the line that he hopes Mia doesn't grow up feeling uncomfortable and bad about herself as all women seem to be.
What is wrong with me?
I mean even knowing American culture pushes the skinny on everyone to the point it's unhealthy, am I so terrible as I am unknowingly setting a bad example for my daughter? I want her to grow up loving herself no matter what size, shape, color, blemish, quirk, etc she has. And how can I do that if I don't do that myself? How do I make myself not care anymore? I'm healthy, happy, and my husband still wants me. Shouldn't I be happy with that?
I do remember going into a movie theater and stepping on one of those weight ratio thingies and it telling me I was severly obese at 140 lbs for my 5'2" frame. I remember when I was 15 going in to Eve's Leaves downtown, asking if they had anything in my size, and being told I had broad shoulders like a football player and would only find clothes that fit me at Wal-Mart. I remember looking at Cosmopolitan, Teen and Seventeen magazines and daydreaming, "if only i could look like THAT..." It hurts me when my mom, a five foot size three, always is saying she is so fat. Thanks mom, I easily have a hundred pounds on you.... And when I go shopping the bigger the sizes you get, the uglier the clothes are. Not mean. A fact. I want to look good too...
At average I weigh 180-200 pounds. But I gain and lose that 20 easily. I get to the point that I can't see my feet and decide it's time to change that. Then when someone points out that it looks like I am losing weight I hork out and binge until I gain it back.
I feel so tossed up about this weight issue. As most of American women do. Why should I feel bad about not being a size four? Why should I restrict myself from the things I love just so I can appease everyone else?
My husband is always telling me," I still find you attractive. You are beautiful to me"
But do I feel attractive and beautiful to myself? Isn't that ultimately what I need?
I was standing in front of the mirror the other day trying to find a shirt I felt good to wear for the day. I was talking to myself out loud and Andrew was sitting on the bed listening to my gripes and negative comments and almost started crying. He said something along the line that he hopes Mia doesn't grow up feeling uncomfortable and bad about herself as all women seem to be.
What is wrong with me?
I mean even knowing American culture pushes the skinny on everyone to the point it's unhealthy, am I so terrible as I am unknowingly setting a bad example for my daughter? I want her to grow up loving herself no matter what size, shape, color, blemish, quirk, etc she has. And how can I do that if I don't do that myself? How do I make myself not care anymore? I'm healthy, happy, and my husband still wants me. Shouldn't I be happy with that?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
While We are on the Subject
Here's the deal today, I am sick of seeing accesory babies. You know the ones. The teen moms that have babies just to show them off, the mothers who have more children for a bigger tax return, the moms who keep having children for benefits or welfare, the moms that have kids just for having kids. Just to have them. The moms who let their children walk all over them and get their way. They remind me of little purse dogs like Paris Hilton's. STOP HAVING CHILDREN.
Some points are justifiable. I'm talking about the extreme cases. I'm a mom. And a damn good one at that! I'm on medicaid and food stamps, that's fine. But I'm not taking advantage of them either. I know kids can be hyper and unmanagable at times, I am talking about when it's a regularly occuring sometimes every day all the time deal. I also recognize that at the end of the year you receive a bonus BUT you spend way more of that on your children on any given year, especially when they get older and want cooler things. I see all of this. I'm venting about the PLAYERS of the system.
For one, it makes me sad when children have children. A child to me is someone with a child's mentality. Not necessarily age. I know some very mature 19 year olds. A 30 year old can be a child. 15, 16 and 17 year olds should not be having children in my opinion. They need to live their lives and gain some wisdom to pass to their children when they have them. I'm 25 and I don't feel like I'm old enough to have children.
I have the utmost respect for younger adults and adults who step up to the plate and be great parents. It takes alot. Especially for the teenagers who have children. I wish I could tell them how much I appreciate the hard work they put into forming their little humans.
And then there are those who make me sick. They have nothing to offer a child. A stable home, an education, LOVE*, the wisdom to know right from wrong, attention, cleanliness. There was a lady who did a little video blog about keeping your child clean and clothed (the most basic of needs) and made a few really good points. You don't have to have running water to take a shower or sponge bath, and there is no reason for your children to be without jackets or socks in the middle of winter. The community happily provides these services and some just don't care. NEGLECT IS A FORM OF ABUSE. A minor form, which I have come to understand, IS NOT justifiable enough to remove children from parents' care into someplace better. Sad, but sometimes it really just needs to be done.
How can these children grow and learn how to read if the parent's don't sit down and read to them, work with them, don't care to learn to read themselves? Or write? Somehow I feel the educational system is slack on this as well as the parents. It makes me twitch to see the most basic words, not because of laziness, spelled constantly wrong. (know spelled no, tomorrow/tomarrow, etc.) How can they learn discipline when [you] let them watch themselves? Just feed them a bottle and come back in an hour to check on them..... that's a great plan! Responsibility if they don't pick up their things? Patience if they aren't made to wait? Cleanliness if you don't clean them? Attention if they don't listen? Structure if they aren't given any? Respect if people's boundaries aren't set?
I always feel like a tyrant whenever children come over to my house. It's not unknown for me to say,"don't touch that" or "don't jump on that" "pick up your toys" "put that away".... I usually try to say please but after 45 times( or for me 3 or 4) I start to get irritated. I always warn children ahead of time and always state a consequence and follow through. This is me setting MY boundaries for myself and for my household. You don't stand on books, you don't touch the mianiature models, you don't jump over my couch, you don't get into my food without asking first. Always say please, thank you, you're sorry, and don't talk back to your mother. These are things I feel are easy things to commit to memory and to do on any given day. It should be common sense. I don't feel I am asking for much. CHILDREN SHOULD ALREADY DO OR NOT DO THESE THINGS. Most do, especially when I am around.... because my boundaries are set.
With that subject breached, I don't feel I am hard to love or like and I am always willing to give my love and hugs whenever one is presented. I laugh alot and I feel children like me. I certainly love them but I am not willing to comprimise my values for those not willing to respect them.
I was raised with the basic of courtesies drilled and harshly overdone into my head, but I will tell you what.... it sure as shit worked. I'm not against spanking, why, I'm all for it because there is a fine line between spanking and beating your children and most people are afraid to go even remotely near it, but some children just NEED it. This leads back to parenting.
I will tell you I am honestly so scared of the future for these children I often cry. It literally brings me to tears to see what the future will hold for these children and future parents if common courtesy and respect are a dying art. There is always room to improve on the goodness of humankind, all I ask is that you take a good look around you and do everything you possibly can do to provide what your child needs in every aspect of the way, because THAT is what being a parent is all about. YOU are molding the minds of our future's leaders and examples, so set a good one for both them and others.
*LOVE- more than just feeding, housing and clothing your child. It's hugging and smooching. It's reading to your child, laughing, playing, listening with and to your child. It's being there whenever they need you, for any thing large or small. Keeping your child alert, behaved, hungry for education and experiences, etc.
Some points are justifiable. I'm talking about the extreme cases. I'm a mom. And a damn good one at that! I'm on medicaid and food stamps, that's fine. But I'm not taking advantage of them either. I know kids can be hyper and unmanagable at times, I am talking about when it's a regularly occuring sometimes every day all the time deal. I also recognize that at the end of the year you receive a bonus BUT you spend way more of that on your children on any given year, especially when they get older and want cooler things. I see all of this. I'm venting about the PLAYERS of the system.
For one, it makes me sad when children have children. A child to me is someone with a child's mentality. Not necessarily age. I know some very mature 19 year olds. A 30 year old can be a child. 15, 16 and 17 year olds should not be having children in my opinion. They need to live their lives and gain some wisdom to pass to their children when they have them. I'm 25 and I don't feel like I'm old enough to have children.
I have the utmost respect for younger adults and adults who step up to the plate and be great parents. It takes alot. Especially for the teenagers who have children. I wish I could tell them how much I appreciate the hard work they put into forming their little humans.
And then there are those who make me sick. They have nothing to offer a child. A stable home, an education, LOVE*, the wisdom to know right from wrong, attention, cleanliness. There was a lady who did a little video blog about keeping your child clean and clothed (the most basic of needs) and made a few really good points. You don't have to have running water to take a shower or sponge bath, and there is no reason for your children to be without jackets or socks in the middle of winter. The community happily provides these services and some just don't care. NEGLECT IS A FORM OF ABUSE. A minor form, which I have come to understand, IS NOT justifiable enough to remove children from parents' care into someplace better. Sad, but sometimes it really just needs to be done.
How can these children grow and learn how to read if the parent's don't sit down and read to them, work with them, don't care to learn to read themselves? Or write? Somehow I feel the educational system is slack on this as well as the parents. It makes me twitch to see the most basic words, not because of laziness, spelled constantly wrong. (know spelled no, tomorrow/tomarrow, etc.) How can they learn discipline when [you] let them watch themselves? Just feed them a bottle and come back in an hour to check on them..... that's a great plan! Responsibility if they don't pick up their things? Patience if they aren't made to wait? Cleanliness if you don't clean them? Attention if they don't listen? Structure if they aren't given any? Respect if people's boundaries aren't set?
I always feel like a tyrant whenever children come over to my house. It's not unknown for me to say,"don't touch that" or "don't jump on that" "pick up your toys" "put that away".... I usually try to say please but after 45 times( or for me 3 or 4) I start to get irritated. I always warn children ahead of time and always state a consequence and follow through. This is me setting MY boundaries for myself and for my household. You don't stand on books, you don't touch the mianiature models, you don't jump over my couch, you don't get into my food without asking first. Always say please, thank you, you're sorry, and don't talk back to your mother. These are things I feel are easy things to commit to memory and to do on any given day. It should be common sense. I don't feel I am asking for much. CHILDREN SHOULD ALREADY DO OR NOT DO THESE THINGS. Most do, especially when I am around.... because my boundaries are set.
With that subject breached, I don't feel I am hard to love or like and I am always willing to give my love and hugs whenever one is presented. I laugh alot and I feel children like me. I certainly love them but I am not willing to comprimise my values for those not willing to respect them.
I was raised with the basic of courtesies drilled and harshly overdone into my head, but I will tell you what.... it sure as shit worked. I'm not against spanking, why, I'm all for it because there is a fine line between spanking and beating your children and most people are afraid to go even remotely near it, but some children just NEED it. This leads back to parenting.
I will tell you I am honestly so scared of the future for these children I often cry. It literally brings me to tears to see what the future will hold for these children and future parents if common courtesy and respect are a dying art. There is always room to improve on the goodness of humankind, all I ask is that you take a good look around you and do everything you possibly can do to provide what your child needs in every aspect of the way, because THAT is what being a parent is all about. YOU are molding the minds of our future's leaders and examples, so set a good one for both them and others.
*LOVE- more than just feeding, housing and clothing your child. It's hugging and smooching. It's reading to your child, laughing, playing, listening with and to your child. It's being there whenever they need you, for any thing large or small. Keeping your child alert, behaved, hungry for education and experiences, etc.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Idiots and Maniacs
So I had to go to Super 1 yesterday for stuff for dinner. That is maybe a mile or two from my house for I live in Ponderay. In that four mile run I thought I was going to pull out all of my hair because of all of the retarded drivers. Mind you I have done something stupid myself every now and again and most usually I am conscious of the fact and try to tell the other driver I am sorry eventhough I know they can't hear me. I try. But SERIOUSLY PEOPLE? Here are some of my favorites (and by favorites I mean the ones that piss me off the most) in no particular order which happened to me alot yesterday.
People burning rubber to cut in front of you to fit between you and the car three lengths in front of you..... when there is absolutely NO ONE behind you......
....and then slowing down to go 15 miles UNDER the speed limit. seriously? you couldn't wait to try to cause and accident and now you are making me wait to get where I was going? F you mister! (lots of bird throwing)
Leaving their blinker on for 400 miles.
Not turning on a green light where you have to wait 5 minutes for the next.
Someone following so closely behind you (when you are going the speed limit) that you fear if you slow down at ANY rate they will rear end the shit out of you.
These are just a few of the many things that get my goad when I am behind the wheel. We mostly all live in Idaho, we all read the same driver's manual. Come on! Get with the program a little bit more and be more conscious when you are driving up to a two ton death machine.
People burning rubber to cut in front of you to fit between you and the car three lengths in front of you..... when there is absolutely NO ONE behind you......
....and then slowing down to go 15 miles UNDER the speed limit. seriously? you couldn't wait to try to cause and accident and now you are making me wait to get where I was going? F you mister! (lots of bird throwing)
Leaving their blinker on for 400 miles.
Not turning on a green light where you have to wait 5 minutes for the next.
Someone following so closely behind you (when you are going the speed limit) that you fear if you slow down at ANY rate they will rear end the shit out of you.
These are just a few of the many things that get my goad when I am behind the wheel. We mostly all live in Idaho, we all read the same driver's manual. Come on! Get with the program a little bit more and be more conscious when you are driving up to a two ton death machine.
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